Two steps forward, one step back

WARNING: This post is purely an IVF update and some complaining. If you're not interested in either, don't read :).

We just got back from Las Vegas. We spent the week there for the IVF - specifically our egg retrieval. I wish I could say it went well and better than expected, but honestly, we encountered more setbacks and I'm genuinely discouraged...but somehow, still hopeful.

We met with the Doctor on Monday for our baseline ultrasound and bloodwork. About 5 seconds into the ultrasound he says, "Well, this isn't normal." Not the words you want to hear from your Doctor while undergoing an ultrasound.

Turns out, I have a hydrosalpinx which is basically a blocked and fluid-filled fallopian tube. When it got there, we don't know. I do know that about 2 years ago I passed an HSG test that is supposed to discover this very thing. The test came back normal. So it's appeared since then. My hunch is that I have lots of scarring on my organs after my ruptured appendix as a kid. Then some subsequent infections (as a result of my artificial insemination 2 years ago) caused the already fragile tubes to become blocked.

For someone who went undiagnosed as "unexplained infertility" for more than 3 years, I sure have a lot of legitimate fertility issues. I'm trying really hard to not be really angry at my 2 previous doctors who took lots and lots of my money and wasted 3 years of my life (I said I was "trying", but it's hard). I can't know for sure, but I feel like I've seen this mysterious black blob on my ultrasounds before and that neither doctor bothered to diagnose it or be concerned.

It's really unfortunate to discover this glaring obstacle in the middle of your IVF cycle. The hydro is known to significantly reduce your chances of success with IVF and certainly prevents you from ever getting pregnant naturally. Ideally, I'd have the tube surgically removed altogether. They say that with surgery, my odds would be completely normalized and since the tube isn't working anyway, it's not doing me any good.

I was discouraged, to say the least. I just can't win. If it's not one roadblock, it's another. And all my fighting and persistence to figure this out just keeps leading to what feels like dead ends. I'm tired.

At the same time, I know this really is a blessing to figure this out - even if it's at this late stage. I am so grateful to finally have found a Doctor who is proactive and actually willing to look at the whole picture and find some glaringly obviously issues. I can't believe how much heartache, money, time, tears, hopes, and dreams I've wasted with crappy Doctors. For those looking to do IVF, especially in Utah, please come to me first, I will tell you who to stay away from. And I can't say enough about Dr. Sher at the SIRM institute. Look him up if you're in the market for IVF.

The good news is the hydro does not affect my ovaries and they were able to retrieve 18 mature eggs this past week. That is a great number, about 30% more than the previous two attempts. 14 of those 18 have fertilized normally, so we're waiting to see how they grow over these next couple of days.

Our plan is to wait and see how many of these eggs make it 5 days (to blastocyst stage) and then decide how to proceed. We feel like if we have more than 4, then we'll take our chances and implant 2 next week and freeze the rest for a future transfer. Knowing our chances our significantly reduced by the hydro (because the fluid in the tube can flow back into the uterus and disrupt implantation of an embryo as well as be toxic to the environment) we'll sort of gamble our odds and pray our hearts out again. If I don't get pregnant or I miscarry again (all very legitimate scenarios considering what I'm now up against), then we'll know to have surgery and try again with frozen eggs.

However, if we only have 3 or less eggs, we'll freeze them and I'll have surgery before implanting. Please indulge my whining for a second and let me say that this will be my fifth surgery in one year. Not fair.

Stuart and I have some big decisions to make in the next 48 hours and it's intensely stressful. Even if we implant embryos, it's going to be hard not to be stressed and doubtful about the odds of any of this working out in our favor.

I just have to keep having faith that we are making progress, even if it's two steps forward and one step backward, at least I feel like we're working our way towards a solution. Someday. Someday. Someday.

Your continued prayers are appreciated.