Reality Check

Today was day 3 of the injections. These are self-administered injections and it sounds horrible, and probably is for some people, but luckily, I don't mind needles and I'm pretty much invincible to pain (that last part was a joke). But really, the needles are so small that they don't hurt, it's more of a mental chore, because it just feels weird sticking yourself with a needle.

I get to give myself these injections in my belly each night. The first week isn't too bad - I just have 10 units of a drug called Lupron. But on November 17, I start injections of Bravelle and Menopure and I will end up with 2 shots each night for about 2 weeks.

The WORST part of the medications has been the birth control they put me on about a month ago. They do that to regulate your cycle to the exact timing so the doctor is here and ready to go when your body is ready to go. This birth control stinks. Just to give you an idea, Stuart told me this birth control has caused more stress in our marriage than anything else in the past 4 years (yes, I am sure he is getting bonus points in Heaven for putting up with me at this moment in time).

I admit it has made me grumpy, moody, and irritable--among other physical symptoms. My main frustration is the stabbing headaches. I used to take it in the morning and by 4 in the afternoon my eyes felt like they were bulging. Now I take it just before I go to bed but the past week I've woken up with a stabbing pain in my left temple/jaw. Who wakes up with a headache? That can't be normal. No kidding--it's wreaking havoc on me.

The doctor said many women complain about the prescription- what gives Dr. Maars?!? Can't you find a more gentle birth control? I took it for 2 years without any problems. Luckily, I get to quit that on Wednesday--happy day.

So here is a reality check. Perhaps it is this horrible birth control, or just my thinning nerves, but I haven't been as "strong" as I thought I was, or profess to be. It didn't help that Stuart and I saw each other for a total of 12 hours all month long and that I was a bit on edge over taking the biggest step of my life. I have found my emotions to be raw and close to the surface. I find myself tearing up when I see pregnant women--which never really happened before. I have cried over a lot of things, for probably no reason and I think it's just because all of this is coming to a head and soon. While I try really hard to be brave the reality is, that it's just hard.

It just is.

But still...in the end...I will be fine. I look forward to having the whole ordeal over and done with.

One last note. As if wasn't already getting my fill of needles, I have read studies on the benefits of acupuncture as it relates to the success of IVF. I also have talked to a few other women who claimed it really helped them. So, I decided it was something I also wanted to try. I figured that if I was already going to these lengths, that it was just one added thing I could do to put as many of the odds in my favor as possible.

I had my first appointment on Friday. It was interesting. It didn't hurt during the treatment, but I had some dull aches in my arm afterward that went away after a few hours. I'm not sure I felt any immediate benefits or changes, but I like to think that my chi is more aligned and things in the reproductive part of my body are being put back into their proper balance. I have 3 more appointments prior to the IVF. I will also do a session right before my implantation and directly after. I will let you know more on that when I have more time to form a good opinion.

So, do you want to know what $3,000 worth of medication looks like?

All of that will be taken by me in less than 3 weeks. The acupuncturist looked at me like I was crazy. Am I? Most certainly.

Onward forward!