recovery

Thank you friends for your kind thoughts, well wishes, and prayers. It has been wonderful to feel your support and strangely liberating to broadcast my current challenge. There is strength in numbers and strength in prayer. We feel your prayers and we thank you.

I previously posted about the fabulous nienie and her inspiring story. Her sister, CJane, is a brilliant writer and equally inspiring. I had not yet visited her blog, but after my friend Laura alerted me to her infertility issues, I couldn't resist. My virtual support network is forming.

And not so coincidentally (I don't believe in the concept of coincidences any more), her latest post is titled: On how we became pregnant, in three parts. (After 5 years of infertility, she had a baby boy last year and recently found out she is pregnant with her second!)

I recommend her post to everyone-fertile and infertile! Her words could/should be mine:
"To create life--this act of man and wife--is sanctified by God as the greatest of man's ability. To some He gives it freely, to others he tempers with humility and patience. To struggle with procreation is how God chooses to keep my pride in check. I fail, I fail and fail until it becomes more logical to give up. Somehow in giving up, He gives to me."

Oh the humility and patience we've learned!

From your kind notes to me, I've realized we all have our challenges that temper us in virtues we are lacking (whether we know it or not--and this I'm afraid is basically a slap to our spiritual ego, which hurts pretty bad).

CJane references the importance of not letting your dreams and hopes rob you of TODAY's happiness. And THIS friends, is exactly where I believe I am today. As I mentioned, this road has been long and hard, but a few weeks ago, I turned to Stuart and said, "I'm tired of being sad about this." And so we stopped being sad. It's funny how easy it was. Perhaps it was easy because we had paid our emotional toll; and yet, I wonder if I had not chosen to set aside sadness a year ago, if I would have found this peace a lot sooner. It would have been a welcome relief.

One thing I've learned is that asking "why/how/when" is a dead-end street. We can't explain away our challenges--do not try. What we can do is give up our lives, hopes, dreams--whatever it may be--to the Lord. I believe, as CJane iterated, that in giving up, we are blessed. I know that I have been--maybe not with a baby, but with blessings, experience, and knowledge. That is enough for now.